Casey, Casey, Casey. Where did we go wrong? You were raised in a good home, by a loving family. You are not a kitten any more, you’re downright elderly for God’s sake! And don’t give me that “it’s medicinal” crap! We all know you’re just sniffing the catnip to get high! Do we need to do an intervention?
Something happened today I was hoping to avoid. I was beginning to believe I would escape this. However, today the reckoning was at hand. It went something like this:
Tiggy: We need to have a talk, Keen. Have a seat.
Me: Oh wow, Tiggy, I’m pretty busy right now. Can it wait?
Tiggy: Have a seat, I said.
So, I sit down on my barn chair. He jumps onto my lap, purring, and puts his face close to mine.
Tiggy: I’ve been overhearing some talk among the wooly fools. Normally I don’t put much stock in what they have to say. But what I’m hearing from the bird brains coincides. Can you guess what that might be, Keen?
Me (nervously laughing): Gee, Tiggy, I can’t imagine what the sheep and the hens have in common to talk about besides filling their bellies. Heh heh heh.
Tiggy (kneading my legs): Heh heh. Well, it seems they all agree that maybe YOU might know something about certain odd happenings…
Me: Odd happenings? Me? I don’t know….
Tiggy: You are aware of a certain patch of…vegetation…outside the barn that is very precious to me?
Me: Your catnip? Yes. What about it?
Tiggy (kneading harder): This VEGETATION is VERY precious to me.
Me (swallowing): I know there is a lot of it. Plenty for…
Tiggy: Were you aware that I value every stem? Ever blossom? Every leaf?
Me: It never occu…
Tiggy: That it would upset me tremendously if ANYONE were to disturb my precious vegetation?
Me: You have so much of it, it just seemed to me…
Tiggy (really digging into my legs now): You know, Keen, when I moved here last year and decided to adopt you as my own precious human, it was with the understanding that you were a human I could TRUST. (Tapping my face gently with his paw) You and me, we are FAMILY now! That means we look out for each other, right?
Me: Of course, Tiggy, I will always look out for you!
Tiggy (nose to nose with me now, looking straight into my eyes): It also means we look out for each other’s interests. Isn’t that right, Keen?
Me (what else COULD I say?): Yes, Tiggy. Of course. ~Gulp~
Tiggy: So, in future you will remember to inform me of ANY encroachments on my precious vegetation.
It was not a question. He then proceeded to hop off my lap and saunter outside. It was a fairly cool day today, but I was sweating. Ohhh, Casey, please please please stay out of Tiggy‘s catnip! You are my family, too. Don’t make me turn into a “rat”! You should know better than to mess with drugs any way. I’m begging you, Casey, to “nip” this in the bud, before things get worse. No good can come from this!
Tiggy is definitely suspicious. He asked the hens to keep an eye on his catnip today. Didn’t really work out too well for him, though. The hens have no personal interest in catnip. (Their drug of choice is an occasional sip of the fermented apple juice that drips out of the bottom of the apple tub.) And they are easily distracted. They all wandered off after about 10 minutes. Tiggy was not happy. Eventually he had to keep guard himself.