I am not proud of what I am about to confess. In my defense, my evil deed seems to have worked, at least temporarily.
After yesterday’s near-rumble I decided I needed to sit Tiggy and Casey down together and try to negotiate a peace treaty. Unfortunately neither of them would even agree to meet, much less talk. Stubborn felines!
Sooo, I used their own “precious vegetation” against them. Yes, I drugged them both! When they were both feeling good I got them together and sat them down to hash things out.
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Me: You guys, all this fighting over a patch of catnip is ridiculous! It has to stop, before someone gets hurt!
Tiggy: It’s MY catnip! The barn is my territeriteritory. Let her find her own sources.
Casey: It’s a free country! Ohhhh beeeeautifulll for spacious skiiiies.
Me: Come on, you two, there is enough catnip for both of you. And honestly, neither one of you should sniff as much as you do.
Tiggy: Duuuude, you should try it some time. You don’t know what you’re missing!
Casey: Wait! What? Has Keen really never sniffed nip? Never? Duhude!
Tiggy: I know, right? Such a nerd!
Me: Hold it right there, you two! This is not about me! This meeting is about you guys and your battle over catnip.
Tiggy: Haaa ha ha haaaa! Catnip!
Me: Yes, catnip. There’s nothing funny about addiction.
Casey: tHeRe’S nOtHiNg FuNnY aBoUt AdDiCtIon. Hahahaha!
Tiggy: Ha ha hahh! What a nerd.
Me: I am not a nerd! Just because I don’t do drugs, that does not make me a nerd.
Tiggy: i’M nOt A nErD! hee heee
Casey: I’m NoT a NeRd! Woo hoo hoo hoo
Tiggy: Dude, check it out! I think she’s gonna cry.
Casey: Don’t cry Keen! We still love you. Even if you are a NERD!!! Ha ha ha haaa!
Tiggy: Stop, stop! I’m gonna pee! Woo hoo hoo hoo!
They continued to mock me and laugh at me and roll around on the ground, mocking and laughing at me the whole time. (And I did NOT cry! I had something in my eye!) As time passed, they became more and more mellow.
Casey: Tiggy, your catnip is the best!
Tiggy: I know! You should try it some time!
Casey: Dude! I already have! Ah hah ha ha ha!
Tiggy: Oh, yeah! ~Snort~ hee hee hee heee!
Casey: I am soooo hungry! Let’s order a pizza!
Tiggy: Wait waitwaitwait. We should totally go catch some pigeons in the haymow!
Casey: Ohhh, man. I LOVE pigeons! Let’s go!
So, they headed to the barn, laughing and quite chummy together. I don’t know how long it will last or what will happen when they come down off their catnip high. But at least the hostilities were over for today. Will I have to keep them both on a ‘nip high from here on out? Would that be ethical, or even possible? Do I want to deliberately contribute to the delinquency of felines? Would several sessions of catnip bonding eventually lead to a real friendship between them? Is drug use the key to lasting peace?