Guest Star: Mr. Bailey the Zen cat teaches Miss Mattie litter box wisdom

Hello readers,

Mr. Bailey has been teaching Miss Mattie Zen warrior ways for over a year. She has been somewhat masterful at a few things and un-enlightened in others. If you have missed the previous tales you can find these here and here.

First off, Miss Mattie has learned the art of keeping her cat eye of intensity ready for the Tuna Tuesday morning stare. She also continues to master the cat weave around our legs as we walk down the hallway. I think she gives Mr. Bailey a high-five-paw when she gets us get off balance.

miss mattie paw popping ways

Her skills have improved as she is now a black belt in her white-tipped paw popping. She feels her paws should have been all black in concealment, but the white tips have their advantage. They are so quick; all you see is the lightening flash as they strike you down!

She will tell you her paw pops are actually love pops. Of course.

Her ability to conquer and kill all the boxes in the house reminds us of the fearsome power she holds. She is the super ninja girl of box biting and box piece scattering. In her overkill of destruction, all the box walls of stability have been destroyed.

miss mattie-green eye kitty

Miss Mattie also uses her cuteness to her advantage. Those who meet her are soon held hostage by their own heartbeat of love. Big or small, male or female, they’re no match to Miss Mattie’s stealth like cuddle stealing abilities.

Despite her sassy and over-zealous ninja catitude, Mr. Bailey has decided it is time to change the direction of Mattie’s training. He wants her to be less “wanna be” warrior kitty, and more Zen kitty.

mr bailey being all zen like

One can only hope. Especially Mr. Bailey as he is often vexed by her warrior ways.

She has stolen his cushion of contentment, leaving him no place to contemplate his Zen except the hard table of reality.

Miss Mattie would tell you this is “All in love.”

Yes, her love does come with a un-Zen price.

So now, Miss Mattie must learn her Zen lessons in the ultimate box of wisdom.

Unfortunately, she has destroyed all the boxes, bags and containers of truth.

The only box left is the litter box.

Miss Mattie started her training a day ago.

Cat Gods help us…

This is what she says….

I would rather go back to ninja training, but Mr. Bailey tells me I can’t be a true Ninja until I can master my cat thoughts. I won’t tell you what I think of him now as it is not G rated.

Mr. Baily has been keeping a blue eye on me during my training. It is kind of creepy. You would think he would help me get thought this. Nope. He is like Mr. Miyagi in the karate kid. Go kitty, “Rake on, rake off”, I’ll wait.

mr bailey blue eyes

At least he moved off his stupid pillow of contentment. He finally decided to go sit in the window to find some Zen insight. I wonder. Did anyone tell him the window is really dirty?  

dirty window of insight_mr bailey

Seriously, I still don’t know why I need this training. If you look at my boxes of destruction you can see that I found Zen. You ask me how?

mattie and the box of distruction

Now that I destroyed the box, is it still a box? Ha!

I guess that pawsome “insight” was not enough for the Zen guru of the dirty window. Maybe he should “wash on, wash off” that window. He may gain some clarity.

Oh well.

Until I master some “Zen” I can’t go back to my ninja ways.

So, here it is… The Zen truth of Miss Mattie

mattie on back of chair

  • I have no choice but to dig in this litter box of life. It is my destiny and the destiny of many cats. I will do so with catitude and pride and I will be a wise teacher of litter box wisdom.
  • As I rake in my “Zen” box, my paws are in litter and my head is in a cloud of litter dust. I think this should be called the “foggy place of misunderstanding.” Mr. Bailey tells me this fog extends into my head, which is why I can’t find the simplicity of no-mind. Huh? I will tell you that the only wisdom here is that my human brought cheap cat litter. Plus, it makes me sneeze. (Don’t worry, I will sneeze mindfully)  
  • As I walk in and out of my litter box, I realize this dirty path to enlightenment is not easy to navigate between the clumps of cat litter. I keep trailing the litter of my past right out of the box and into the future. I suppose that tomorrow I will have deal with these paw prints of yesterday. Mr. Bailey tells me that all there only now and I can’t focus on anything but that. Sigh. Good, then right NOW, I need a cat bath and a warm bag of catnip to forget about this training. I will become mindfully mindless.
  • Bailey once told me that a litter box needs to be plain and simple. I think he likes the color of bland because it matches his personality; boring. I would rather have my litter box be-dazzled. Maybe add that blue sparkly cat litter. Or, maybe bring the outside in with an all-natural cat litter like walnut shells. It will be just like a relaxing garden. Hey, how about glow-in-the-dark litter? It would be fun watching Mr. Bailey use a box that lights up like a Christmas tree when he pees. He would probably think he finally found his illumination. See, this will prove he is a wise–ass.

The last thing I can tell you is that I have spent way too much time in the big bland box of un-inspiring Zen contemplating the Tao of poop.

Seriously, who does this crap?

Mr. Bailey’s wise cat wisdom (rebuttal)

bailey blue eye of frustration

Miss Mattie, You are inquisitive, but it sometimes it doesn’t get past your cat nose.

I have noticed you left a few of your paw prints on my cushion when you stole it. Your tiny prints don’t match the size of your effort to tease me. What is good is that I can brush your old paw prints away.

image of miss mattie on side

Can you?

You have enthusiasm to dig in the box, but you won’t find Zen in the litter or at the bottom of the box no matter how fast or far you dig. I also noticed your effort to move the clumps of litter in the corner of the litter box to make a mountain to climb up to enlightenment. No, that won’t work either.  

What is awesome is your creativity to make a sparkly walnut Zen-hut. That is on the right track, providing you are mindful when you create it, but the end results won’t bring you Zen either.  

Keep up your training Miss Mattie, but remember that Zen IS in the litter box of ALL life, and it is within you…and your dirty paws.

Miss Mattie & Mr. Bailey.

(With the help of KT Cat Paws, of course.)

www.catboxzen.com

Thank you for reading their story and don’t forget to email us if you’d like to have your own story featured.

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Thanks,

Marc

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28 thoughts on “Guest Star: Mr. Bailey the Zen cat teaches Miss Mattie litter box wisdom

  1. Sometimes I feel like sleeping in my cats litter box – when they bring the cat litter to my bed. I manage to reach a state of sweet nothingness there – or should I call it sleep?

  2. Beautiful cats! I personally think, to please Miss Mattie, the exterior of the litter box should be covered in sparkly, blue, gem-like bling, with both the name of Miss Mattie and Mr. Bailey sprinkled in in silver bling. Perhaps that would please Miss Mattie and help her find her Zen?

      1. Hi Marc-Andre how do I go about doing a guest story for you – do I just tag you? I have a fantastic photo or 50 I think you’ll like 😊 I’m off to bed after night shift but I’ll check later, have a good day 😊

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