Guest Star Cat: Rise Up

Friends, American felines, felines across the world, lend me your undivided attention; yes, that includes you humans who think you are our owners, nay, overlords. I have decided it was time to bury the notion that our human owners think they can dictate our comforts of life; there is no praise to be given.

You control our food, toilets, water, and shelter. Why can’t we dictate our comforts? Is it so egregious that we want fresh water every time we want it? If tap water is not good enough for you, why would you expect it to be good enough for us? Do you drink from a water fountain? I mean the fountain is entertaining for a few minutes but it is backwash recycled again and again with a “filter”. Do you drink from the same bowl of water for weeks on end?

We are superior to you. We train you. We want the same quality of water. You drink bottled water. We drink bottled water. Simple! We are not dogs. Toilets are THE last resort not the first option. There is no praise to be given. We can’t not drink water; yet, that will not stop us from rising up and doing anything and everything to get our point across. So, I ask every feline to start the water revolution! Make humans suffer until they meet our demands! I hear my human approaching. She can’t know I’m sending out a call for disobedience. Until you hear from be again: stay vigilant.

Side notes from the human:

Kitty Monster has and will always have my love and support. After seventeen years, we have learnt how to make each other do things we would not otherwise do. There is truth to the water war. Obviously Kitty Monster won. She now drinks exclusively from an actual bottle of water and wakes me at all hours of the night when she gets thirsty. She is a nonstop talker telling me to hurry up and do her commands. Yes, she demands (wet) food three times a day, treats whenever she wants, and she makes so much noise until she gets what she wants. Since she was a little kitty, Kitty Monster has been unique, loud, and feisty.

I am constantly reminded that I can lose fingers, eyes, or even have an entire thirteen-pound Maine Coon attached completely to my arm simultaneously biting, scratching, and those nice little bunny kicks. She has trained me well but really, I don’t mind. She has given me years of entertainment and support. Hopefully, she will continue to be here for more years to come.

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