Farrah J. Faucet was born near Philadelphia, PA approximately 5 years ago. It is believed that her early years were spent in captivity in a breeding mill for Persian cats. After a daring escape she found her current Human caretakers lived in their bathroom for a week before opting to become part of the family. Farrah and her clan recently moved to Brunswick, Maine, where there are many birds, moths & spiders.
Though She Be Beautiful She Be Fierce, A Day in the Life of Farrah J. Faucet
My day can start very early, three,sometimes four, in the morning. Often a Human will leave the bathroom door open in the night and when they do I am compelled to sit under the vanity and sing to any spiders that may live there. My Humans do not appreciate my singing, the Man Human might yell, but the Lady Human, my Mamma, my best friend, will call me up to the bed. If I don’t come up to the bed then she will yell too. I will jump up on the bed after she yells though, but only because I loooove being in bed with my Humans. Sometimes though I can’t help it I have to get up and sing to the spiders again, but only once they have fallen back asleep.
Breakfast time is when the Lady Human wakes up. It’s very exciting, we all run downstairs as fast as we can. Jerry, who is the oldest, always eats first, though lately I have been sharing the plate with him. Hank waits until we are finished, sometimes he swats at me when I walk away. He swats at me a lot. I kind of hate him, he is big and fat. The Humans love him because he likes to be picked up and cuddled. I do not like to be picked up. I like to be next to my Humans, though I will sit on the Man Human’s knee when it is couch time.
After breakfast we all repair to our respective spots to watch out for birds. I enjoy sitting on the dining room table, so does Jerry. Hank has a window seat that is all his own. I also enjoy grooming myself on the table, especially if I have a good knot I have to get out. I know my human’s appreciate when I leave it for them as a gift.
I spend most mornings watching birds and smelling flowers. I like to be within 5 to 10 inches of my Mamma at all times. My favorite place to sit is any chair she has just been sitting in, it so warm. This seems to frustrate her. I don’t understand why. I love being near her, sitting by her computer, staring at her when she watches TV or winding in between her legs when she’s cooking. I love to sleep near her face. I don’t like it when she washes my face though. It makes me so mad and I have to yell really loud and nip and scratch, though truth be told it does feel better not to have all that gunk in my eyes.
Around 10 it’s time for my nap. I might nap earlier if I have been up with the spiders. If any cabinets have been left open I like to climb in there for a nap, though I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten stuck in a cabinet, but what is one to do… not go in cabinets?? Ridiculous!
I nap until my Man Human comes home for lunch. I will get up if he is eating something I like. I like cheese. I love milk, I mean I LOVE milk, and anything made from milk, like cheese, ice cream, butter, especially butter, I will lick the butter right off a piece of toast, if someone leaves it unattended. It can be confusing because sometimes something smells like milk but it doesn’t taste good the first time, so I have to keep trying it again and again. I meow at my Humans to give me more, even if I don’t eat the first thing. I know they are holding out on me. This is when they push me away with their big feet. I hate that.
A lot of my afternoon is spent napping, though sometimes I have to fight with Hank over a pillow or a window ledge. Sometimes I just don’t like the way he’s looking at me and I hiss and swat. There have been times when I have been forced to defend my property, this makes my Human’s very unhappy. It is also why we are no longer allowed in the guest bedroom. I can’t see how a little pee can hurt anyone, but they seem to make a big deal out of it.
In the late afternoon I will occasionally binky about the house. I run from one side of the living room to another 8 or 10 times, then through the dining room to the kitchen and back. I like to swat a toy mouse or two if I get a chance. I will only do this if the boys are upstairs, because they are Jerks and play too rough. For example I like to meditate under the skirt of a dining room chair. They think it’s a game and try to swat at me through the fabric. I have to hiss at them and growl. They are mean Jerks (or did I say that already?). My mamma hates it when I growl, it’s very annoying she says. Well, maybe she should get rid of those Jerks who are always beating up on me.
Sometimes we all go outside, it’s glorious outside, I wish I could go outside every single day, it is the best place in the world. But one time we got fleas, that’s why we haven’t been out in a while. But the Humans promise me we will do out again.
Just about when we are all about to die from hunger it is miraculously dinner time! After we have dinner our Humans have dinner, that’s when the good stuff comes out. Jerry and I try to jump up on the dining room table as much as we can but if that doesn’t work he taps them on their thighs and I do figure 8’s around their ankles. This makes them yell. Though when we have company I pick the easiest target and make my eyes really big and stare until they can’t help but give me a delicious morsel. Nine times out of ten I don’t eat it, but I like to know I can get it.
After dinner we all watch Jeopardy, I like to sit in between my humans. Sometimes Hank tries to sit on the couch too. I hiss and bite at him. Some nights we all play games with the feather on a stick or my favorite, the laser…it’s so much fun that I forget I hate Hank and I don’t even hiss at him at all. But a lot of the times I do hiss at him, or bite him or scratch at him. Then I wail really loud and run to my Mamma.
Sooner or later it’s time for bed, I try to be the first one on the bed or at least in the bedroom to discourage the Jerks from coming in, sometimes this does work. They like to sleep in the cat tree so they can watch the night birds. I snuggle down by my Mamma’s face making sure to wipe her face several times with my tail and we all go to sleep ready for the next day to begin.