Does my cat want to kill me?
Have you ever noticed your cat watching you suspiciously as you go about your day-to-day business? Or spotted him giving you the eyeball while you leisurely bathe? You might think it’s the look of love and that your fluffy friend adores you, but secretly your cat is plotting your downfall – working out the best way to get rid of “his annoying owner”.
Why Is My Cat Trying to Get Rid of Me?
Cats like to be in charge, that’s for sure. Given the opportunity they would be more than happy to take the throne, pop a crown on their head and rule the entire world. And what about us, their adoring caretakers? We are just their subjects, expected to serve – to stroke their ears, provide tasty treats and amuse them with a toy mouse on a stick.
We do so much for our pets because we love them, but don’t expect the same adoration in return. If you are a useful and entertaining human your cat might put up with you, but deep down they know that with you out of the way they would have the run of the place. No more being kicked off the warm and comfy armchair so you can sit your lazy butt down and no more dry and bland nibbles for breakfast – the smoked salmon in the fridge is fair game when there’s no pesky human around!
Should I Be Scared of My Murderous Moggy?
You wouldn’t invite a lion or leopard to curl up at the bottom or your bed, or welcome a tiger onto your lap–but your pampered pussycat is offered all this and more.
It’s easy to forget that your pet cat is a predator at heart, just like it’s menacing feline relatives.
Let’s think about that for a moment, lions and tigers, cheetahs and leopards – they are all known for their ability to stalk their prey, before tearing it apart and eating it up. Your beloved pet may seem like a cute ball of fluff, but underneath it all you will find sharp teeth and claws combined with a killer instinct. Be afraid, be very afraid.
What Can I Do to Survive (and Make My Cat Like Me)?
So why hasn’t Tiddles kicked you out yet? The good news is that your kittycat probably has a soft spot for you, after all you provide a warm home, nice food, refreshing water and all the finer things in life he has come to expect. You need to make sure you keep on meeting his demands (if you want to stay alive)!
Respect his boundaries and if he wants to claw your lap sometimes, accept it as a bit of horseplay – or rather cat-play (despite it stinging like hell)! Think yourself lucky that your cat is allowing you to share his home and remember you are honoured to be in his presence.
While your overprotective cat stretches out on the rug, we suggest that you get busy and prepare his favourite tuna dish.
If you’re lucky, he might let you live to serve a little longer…
*No humans were harmed in this fun post. Please take everything with a pinch of salt!*
Wait a minute! You are not getting up when the cat enters the room and offer her the armchair? No wonder you’re in danger ^^
LOL 🙂
Hahahahahaha! >^..^<
😀
Maybe our tomcat Shadow, but Midnight would never want to kill us (unless I’m a lizard)! She has emotional problems and every time someone leaves the house she cries. She loves to sit on our laps, and digs her claws in as she kneads (ouch) but never means to hurt us badly on purpose. Shadow looks like Jack Nicholson out of The Shining when he waits at the door to come inside… But he is just hungry and wants food.
BTW, Midnight is crying right now because my mom went into the other room. And this cat wants to kill me… LOL.
~Grace
XD. It’s interesting how different the personality of cats in the same household can be. Yet the cats get along. 😀
I don’t think I’m going to sleep tonight…
XD sorry
At times the divas tolerate me and other times, I am the recipient of great cuddles. What more could a human ask of a feline?
Hehe indeed 🙂
I love this! I’m not sure mine don’t want me out of the way ! They’re always tripping me up and getting under foot……especially in the kitchen!? hmmmm…I wonder how they would dispose of the body??? They would probably just farm my husband…then they could have the whole house to them selves! Ya know….now I’m starting to get worried???? Great post! Thanks! Andrea Gaines.
Glad you enjoyed our fun post. Thought we needed something less serious for a change. 🙂
I have the power of the can opener. My opposable thumbs guarantee my safety. Still as we approach the spooky season, this was fun and appropriate.I had to smile, because I often say I am safe from aliens because I have predators to protect me.
But don’t you know that cats are aliens that came to earth to make use of gullible humans to do their bidding? 😉 though they will probably keep us safe from other aliens. 😀
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Great post say the woman who lives with five cats.
Yeah! Be afraid! Be very afraid!
Haha ?
My newly established young cat has just dealt with my considerable email backlog at a stroke by marking it all READ while heading over the keyboard for my lap. This might seem like a kind act, but it means I have to search hard for the things I really do need to read. I conclude that Suzy is a liberal and enlightened cat which has decided to abolish the death penalty (and she doesn’t seem much interested in the death penalty for birds either – just High Noon confrontations with other cats.
? I hate it when Oliver does that on my keyboard
I love this! It’s all true of course
🙂
The only reason I’m alive is because they already trained their human slave to PURRFECTION!
?
Feels sort of creepy true…..lmao.
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I think it’s creative but likely accurate. It’s that look they give you that yells.”Put the food down and back away!” We’ve all seen it. Cheers,H
LOL! Yeah
Well put. Snoops and Kommando Kitty
? thanks
1 sentence in and I don’t think I need to read this. I definitely don’t have to worry … my cat is the boss in my family. So that look MUST be love, if not then its the your crazy mom look. She’s aloud to lay down on the couch and beds. Heck the cat actually gets cold and snuggles with me under the covers (or anyone else that might be in a bed or couch with a blanket!
The only time I worry is when she farts in my face!!! YES! she’s a flatulent kitty and man she could be used for a bioweapon! forget ding dong ditch with flaming poop…She RUNs from her own poop!!!! heck I have to use this giant clothespin (no idea what it is supposed to really be fore) on my nose I bought for when my father has kimchi (fermented cabbage) I wonder if we crushed an anti-gas tablet and put it in her water if it would help!!!?
And this is the reason we call her ‘ToxiKitty’
? I love that nickname.