Being a warrior cat is a strenuous life. It requires a certain skill that not all cats possess.
I myself am one of the best warrior cats known to feline kind. Some call me Hudson or the fearsome Kitty, their voices go shrill with terror whenever they see me. I think of myself as Aslan but better. Lion’s have no finesse, none of the graceful elegance that I possess.
In my training to be a warrior cat I have observed that stealth is of the utmost importance. That is why I am almost always completely invisible to the large hairless rodent eye. They never see me coming.
Before venturing into my first field assignment I trained for 6th months at the legendary RSPCA training grounds. Before that I was in the rural camps, fending for myself. It was awful, on occasion I was even forced to eat rodent. I say this with great humility, but I am the Bear Grills of the Feline world.
The second most important thing I’ve learnt in my 5 months of active field work is that practise is everything. The large hairless rodents that roam my domain are my biggest concern. The strange growths at the ends of their legs troubles me know end and in my opinion must be eradicated. Strangely these people seem to grow attached (quite literally) to these tumors and no matter how hard I try I can’t get rid of them. But I believe that with practise and persistence one day I will win the battle against the “feet”.
Of course I have conquered a foot in my time. But they heal at a frightening pace. The only option then is to attack while the enemy sleeps. This way they are unaware it is even happening (LHR’s are prone spontaneous wake ups be aware).
There is one other enemy in this tumultuous land. It is know as the “green string” it slithers my domain with barely a sound and gives a wicked chase whenever seen. But as the great cat proverb goes:
“TO BE A CAT
You must be swift as a coursing river
TO BE A CAT
With all the force of a great typhoon
TO BE A CAT
With all the strength of a raging fire
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon”
I’m not one to brag but I possess all these talents and it is why no green string, or strange growth or even the hairless rodents themselves stand a chance against me. I am the supreme ruler and I rule with a furry paw.
I have one last piece of advice for all the fledging cat warriors out there:
If all else fails, use the tummy.