To continue Katzenworld’s series on training, Pawfessor Loki and Headmeowstress River offer some of their most trusted techniques for training your human housemates.
Chances are, you know most of these methods like the back of your own paw. But just in case you were napping through Kittengarten, Katzenworld has you covered.
Problem: Your Human is Glued to their Mobile Device
It doesn’t matter whether your human uses a tablet or a smartphone. If they are holding either one, chances are they are not petting or brushing you.
It’s best to take a direct approach here. You can communicate most effectively by getting right on top of the offending electronics.
Jump into your human’s lap, and rub your face against their smartphone or tablet. Stick your face over the edge of the screen. Walk repeatedly in front of the screen, making it impossible for your human to crush candy or text. Head-butt the device until they lose their grip. They’ll get the message, better than if you sent them an e-meow!
Why should your human waste time watching cute cat videos on MewTube when they have an adorable (and neglected) feline right in front of them?
Problem: Your Human’s Paws Stink
Let’s face it: Humans don’t spend nearly enough time grooming. As a result, their paws – particularly, their back paws – can get pretty malodorous.
How can you get them to groom? Simple. Save up your best hairballs for their bedside. Their rants of displeasure will be gratuitous comic relief. And we guarantee they will wash their stinky paws!
Problem: Your Human Clutters Your Climbing Spaces
Shelves are meant for climbing, not for knick-knacks. Why should your human take up your climbing and lounging spaces with ceramic cat figurines? After all, you are the genuine article!
The same logic applies to TV trays cluttered with remote controls, drinking glasses, or dishes. Again, this is valuable cat real estate that can be easily reclaimed.
Headmeowstress River, a renowned gravity tester, offers this foolproof approach.
With a seemingly tentative paw, push repeatedly on the obtrusive object. Slowly but surely, it will slide like a dog on ice toward the floor.
This technique can also be applied to kitchen counters and the top of the refrigerator, which are prime lounging spots.
Bonus: Rounded objects – such as small bottles, salt shakers, and pepper pots – make fantastic toys once they hit the floor.
Problem: Your Human Keeps Wearing Colors that Contrast with Your Fur
Whether they know it or not, your human is privileged to be part of your feline family. The least they can do to display their gratitude is to show allegiance to your fur colors.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a beautiful black cat whose human keeps wearing white, or a creampuff whose human dresses on the somber side. The solution is the same.
Mark them with your scent and your excess fur at every opportunity. One day, they will cast aside their sticky rollers and lint brushes, and embrace their destiny. They will dress to match the world’s most fashionable creatures – their cats.
Even though your human may seem untrainable, don’t despair! With time, patience, and purrseverance, these techniques will improve your human’s behavior.
When not bowing to the whims and wishes of her furry overlords, Michelle spends her time creating content and copy for businesses and nonprofits. Find out more at stellawriting.com.
When not passing their wisdom on to other felines, Headmeowstress River and Pawfessor Loki can be found napping in every imaginable corner of the house.