Hello world! My name is Gwendolynn Anne Marie Stefani Collins-Silver. You may call me Gwennie. I’m extremely intelligent and exquisitely beautiful. I’m also very modest – as most cats are. I’m the disgruntled owner of two adults, two human kittens and my…ahem…sister, Little Missy. She’s ugly. I’ll show you a picture of her in a bit so you have time to adjust before you’re completely traumatized.
A few years after I adopted Momma, Momma married Boy-Dadda and started having human kittens – a fact that still annoys me to this day. Needless to say, Little Missy and I have adapted to their existence. Well, I’ve adapted, Little Missy still has a few things to figure out – like where to hide when she’s being chased. She seems to think that the best place to hide is on Momma’s lap. Clearly Little Missy hasn’t been paying attention. The Little Thing and his minion are not afraid of Momma. If they want food, they find Momma. If they’re sick, they find Momma. If they want to play, they find Boy-Dadda. Weirdos!
Poor Little Missy. I feel so sorry for her. It must be so awful to be so ugly.
Momma says Little Missy isn’t mean; she’s pretty and looks just like me. Rude! Here’s another picture of me. You be the judge!
The point of all of this was to instruct other cats on where they can hide from human kittens. Little Missy, I hope you’re reading this! I’m fortunate to have three hiding places that haven’t been invaded yet.
- Under Momma’s bed. The human kittens are far too busy knocking things off the nightstand to look under the bed.
- In the basement closet, behind the suitcases. Momma went looking in there for me once, and couldn’t find me. Hee, hee! I was in there!
- Inside Momma’s shower.
Momma usually keeps the shower curtain closed during the day, making it an ideal hiding place. Just make sure if you hear your human coming that you get out of the way! They don’t always check for occupants when turning the water on.
Now it’s my turn to ask you: Where do you go to hide from your human kittens?
My name is Gwendolynn Anne Marie Stefani Collins-Silver. I’m a cat and I don’t care….about anything except for my momma, A. Marie Silver – mother of two human kittens and editor of a literary magazine that no one cares about because it’s not about me!
A. Marie Silver is a mother to a three-year-old who growls for no particular reason and a 2-year-old who chews on the furniture. When she’s not trying to convince her children they are, in fact, human, she is also a wife, an editor for Pilcrow & Dagger, and a writer working on her first novel.