Hello Humans! This is Gwennie! I’m here today to tell your cats all about an important service. So please, gather up your furry superiors and place them on their thrones in front of the computer.
Are you ready yet? I don’t have all day!
Today’s topic is about the importance of pet sitters. There are two pet sitter organizations Momma has used and she’s been happy with both of them. The first one is PSI (Pet Sitters International) and NAPPS (National Association of Professional Pet Sitters.)
It’s very important when hiring a pet sitter, to leave them detailed instructions. I’ve been very disappointed with the instructions Momma has written, so for the last two years, I’ve let the pet sitters instructions. The letter they receive always includes my picture with the following text:
Dear Pet Sitter,
My name is Gwennie and I don’t like you! My sister’s name is Little Missy. Momma says we look alike. I suppose if you’re blind or in need of an eye exam, you might feel the same way, but I don’t see the resemblance at all. Little Missy has no dignity. She’ll do anything for attention. If you happen to know of a circus that will take Little Missy, please leave that information on the kitchen table. Or, better yet, put Little Missy in a box and FedEx her to the circus.
Please do not be late!!! The last pet sitter left in charge of our care arrived at our house 2.58 seconds late. That is unacceptable! You must be on time! However, even if you are on time, you’ll probably still be late according to my watch. I’m a cat; I can’t be pleased.
In addition to refilling my food bowl, you must also change my water, scoop my litter box, and tell me how pretty I am – from across the room. I don’t like it when humans breathe my air! Don’t leave me toys; I don’t like them – even if I really do. Please take the bag of poop to the outside garbage can. Just because I worked hard to make it doesn’t mean I want to smell it.
If you’re going to steal anything from my house – take Little Missy. I’ve never liked her. Momma and Dadda might miss her but I sure won’t.
If you have any questions, please call Momma on her cell phone. Don’t bother asking me, I won’t give you the time of day, let alone any advice.
So there you have it, fellow cats. This is an example of the instructions you should draft for your humans to give to your pet sitters. Don’t leave the humans in charge of writing out the instructions. They can’t be trusted to do it right.
And remember, future pet sitters, I’ll be watching for you!
My name is Gwendolynn Anne Marie Stefani Collins-Silver. I’m a cat and I don’t care….about anything except for my momma, A. Marie Silver – mother of two human kittens and editor of a literary magazine that no one cares about because it’s not about me!
A. Marie Silver is a mother to a three-year-old who growls for no particular reason and a 2-year-old who chews on the furniture. When she’s not trying to convince her children they are, in fact, human, she is also a wife, an editor for Pilcrow & Dagger, and a writer working on her first novel.